The other day, I realized that my 14 year old son was taller than me...blonder....more flexible. In honor of the movie Rise of the Guardians, I have started calling him "my Yeti".
I watched that same movie last week with Lauren and Craig, and came to a stunning conclusion: the things of this world that we believe in gain power from us. My fitness plan, yoga, my relationships, my own plans....they require my belief, my energy, my maintenance, my control. They exist be because of me. The only exception in life is that the great omnipotent God of this world does not...He is the source of power and indeed, of life! Even without us believing in Him, He is 100% omnipotent, omnipresent, omnibenevolent....powerful, present, and loving. In contrast, i exist because of Him!
While the things in this life take effort from us to maintain, God Himself does not.
Thank God!
In this small beginning of a revelation for me, my world began to open up in astonishing ways....I can trust God to be there when I am checked out...He loves me when I can't...He is the most powerful when I am utterly powerless but trustingly clinging to Him... See, this is the idea that busted me out of adolescent Christian teendom, the idea that God is grown up enough to take care of everything, and that He is not only good at it, He is exceptional at it...and that love is focused on me when I am focused on Him....and since I am a grown up too, I can be myself! It's okay! God is okay with the fact that I am a weak, PMS prone clown who has a broken heart and eats too much junk food....
Right now, for me, that acceptance and empowering rates way past my homemade double chocolate brownies and a Jane Austen movie and a good bottle of red wine!
I feel like painting everyone I meet with my big wet, sloppy paintbrush of Gods hugeness and all of the infinite possibilities that His Awesomness creates....the letting go of years of guilt, the letting go of unmet expectations, the letting go of control freak behaviors bred through years of performance as a Christian....the sheer enjoyment of being able to pray knowing deep in my heart for the first time that God is listening lovingly, has a plan, and wants to bless me....and He is moving!!! Can you say JOY?!?!
Hanging up the short pants....time to put on my big girl performance leggings and enjoy hitting my stride as a grown up....paintbrush in hand...
God's awesome greatness is keeping me going today, what's keeping you going?
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