It's been way too long since I had the chance to sit down and write, although last year I did self publish a short story that I still find hilarious. Its called SHUTTLE TO LOVE, and I'm going to publish it chapter by chapter over the next 13 weeks to get me back into blogging again.
Be warned, this comes with a ridiculous amount of absurdity and anyone working in the rehab field will find it amusing......I'm planning another story right now and it ought to be just as cathartic to write as this one was.
So, without further ado....
Chapter
1-The Snow Storm
It was a dark and stormy night.
Selena was still working, hunched over her computer in her office, typing
Worker Milestone reports half heartedly. Outside, the wind was swirling and
blowing the heavy dark flakes of snow that were dropping from the sky in
furious droves.
Selena sighed. She should not have procrastinated so long on these darn
reports. Now, with the year end looming for the Central Community Care Program,
she had said goodbye to her departing Level 3 Facilitators and the possibility
of a meal at home to try and catch up on her data management.
Glancing up, she saw that not only had the light faded completely, but the snow
outside was now over a foot deep. Everything was being covered in an ominous
white shroud. There would be at least fifteen minutes of shoveling to get out
of here, she thought, grimacing. Not that snow was a new experience- she had
grown up out east in Halifax and only recently moved into this province. So,
although the snow was a pain, it was a familiar one, and one that she was
confident that she could best in her brand new ankle length down jacket and
military grade snow brush.
Three hours later Selena gave up. There's another 12 hours in tomorrow, she
bargained with herself, knowing all the while that she would be even
busier then. Tomorrow was Friday, the end of the month, the end of a pay
period, the end of the fiscal year, the safety review from the fire department
and the monthly hot lunch and Richard Simmons danceathon. Then a whole new round
of reports started....
Good thing I love my job, mused Selena, smiling to herself as she brought to
mind all the people that she was part of caring for, and all those L3F's that
made her life easier. The humor in everyday life was worth the stress, she thought.
We have our bad times, but man, do we have our good ones too!
As she stood and got ready to pack everything in, she noticed her cold Tim
Hortons double double French vanilla still had a swallow left- so she took care
of it- and then took a moment to roll up the rim. In shock, she saw the words
WIN-TOYOTA COROLLA GAGNEZ COROLLA TOYOTA,!
In shock, Selena dropped back into her now cold ergonomically designed mesh
backed office chair. Unbeknownst to her, her limp right hand triggered the
mechanisms under her seat and she found herself dropped to the floor, fully
reclined and half under her desk in the blink of an eye. A scream escaped her
mouth as the left armrest suddenly popped off and rocketed across the room,
bounced off her screen, and hit the keyboard. It triggered a chain of commands
that, as Selena watched helpless from the floor, deleted all the work she had
done in the last six hours.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
A Beautiful Scent
How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news....and encouragement...and there is nothing like the fragrance of a loving conversation with a friend to do your heart some good.
I will admit that in the last month, I have had what seems like an entire season of heartache. I have needed God's love so much, and his presence, and I have experienced it in my prayer life and devotions because of the new growth He has been leading me through. But this last week I have been stunned and humbled by the tender love and healing companionship of my husband and my dear friends.
The fragrance of their love and prayers remind me of the story where the woman comes to Jesus and breaks her costly alabaster jar of perfume on his feet,weeping and washing him with her tears and her tresses. As I think about how the aroma of her blessing spread through the house where Jesus was, I thought about why that vase was her most costly possession. A friend and client of mine recently gave my daughter and I each a gorgeous glass vase with a stopper, from Egypt. She let me choose a rosé and a lavender essential oil fragrance to fill them with, and demonstrated how these amazing fragrances from the Middle East work, how they look, what you can do with them. I drove away from her house smelling like gorgeous roses and the smell lingered even as the gift from her began to bless me more and more....
Mary's jar, was its beauty and scent how she would attract a mate? Cover up her unseemly smells? Was her alabaster jar a saving up of all of her good works or bad deeds? Did the jar's beauty signify her rank in society?
Seems like a symbol, a picture of how we position ourselves in our lives. We set up shop for ourselves, we create our personas. There is a way we like our hair to look, our children to behave, our relationships to function.
I always thought the alabaster jar was a story of love and sacrifice of wealth.....I can see it now also as a woman's total surrender of every pretense and claim to self reliance....and the trading of the things that a woman treasures in this life for the chance to love and bless Christ wholly.....perhaps finally moving into a space where she can be truly, simply, just loved.
Who knows where that woman went after. When I have traded my jar to Christ even in this last week...he has shown me all that he has blessed me with: a tender husband, loving friends, the gift of love here on earth....the smell of those relationships has been precious to me to say the least. It's not even that they have been trying to soothe me superficially...they instead have been speaking the truth of God's great love and their love for me regardless of current events....
The friends God has given me are keeping me going today, what's keeping you going?
I will admit that in the last month, I have had what seems like an entire season of heartache. I have needed God's love so much, and his presence, and I have experienced it in my prayer life and devotions because of the new growth He has been leading me through. But this last week I have been stunned and humbled by the tender love and healing companionship of my husband and my dear friends.
The fragrance of their love and prayers remind me of the story where the woman comes to Jesus and breaks her costly alabaster jar of perfume on his feet,weeping and washing him with her tears and her tresses. As I think about how the aroma of her blessing spread through the house where Jesus was, I thought about why that vase was her most costly possession. A friend and client of mine recently gave my daughter and I each a gorgeous glass vase with a stopper, from Egypt. She let me choose a rosé and a lavender essential oil fragrance to fill them with, and demonstrated how these amazing fragrances from the Middle East work, how they look, what you can do with them. I drove away from her house smelling like gorgeous roses and the smell lingered even as the gift from her began to bless me more and more....
Mary's jar, was its beauty and scent how she would attract a mate? Cover up her unseemly smells? Was her alabaster jar a saving up of all of her good works or bad deeds? Did the jar's beauty signify her rank in society?
Seems like a symbol, a picture of how we position ourselves in our lives. We set up shop for ourselves, we create our personas. There is a way we like our hair to look, our children to behave, our relationships to function.
I always thought the alabaster jar was a story of love and sacrifice of wealth.....I can see it now also as a woman's total surrender of every pretense and claim to self reliance....and the trading of the things that a woman treasures in this life for the chance to love and bless Christ wholly.....perhaps finally moving into a space where she can be truly, simply, just loved.
Who knows where that woman went after. When I have traded my jar to Christ even in this last week...he has shown me all that he has blessed me with: a tender husband, loving friends, the gift of love here on earth....the smell of those relationships has been precious to me to say the least. It's not even that they have been trying to soothe me superficially...they instead have been speaking the truth of God's great love and their love for me regardless of current events....
The friends God has given me are keeping me going today, what's keeping you going?
Hangin Up The Short Pants
The other day, I realized that my 14 year old son was taller than me...blonder....more flexible. In honor of the movie Rise of the Guardians, I have started calling him "my Yeti".
I watched that same movie last week with Lauren and Craig, and came to a stunning conclusion: the things of this world that we believe in gain power from us. My fitness plan, yoga, my relationships, my own plans....they require my belief, my energy, my maintenance, my control. They exist be because of me. The only exception in life is that the great omnipotent God of this world does not...He is the source of power and indeed, of life! Even without us believing in Him, He is 100% omnipotent, omnipresent, omnibenevolent....powerful, present, and loving. In contrast, i exist because of Him!
While the things in this life take effort from us to maintain, God Himself does not.
Thank God!
In this small beginning of a revelation for me, my world began to open up in astonishing ways....I can trust God to be there when I am checked out...He loves me when I can't...He is the most powerful when I am utterly powerless but trustingly clinging to Him... See, this is the idea that busted me out of adolescent Christian teendom, the idea that God is grown up enough to take care of everything, and that He is not only good at it, He is exceptional at it...and that love is focused on me when I am focused on Him....and since I am a grown up too, I can be myself! It's okay! God is okay with the fact that I am a weak, PMS prone clown who has a broken heart and eats too much junk food....
Right now, for me, that acceptance and empowering rates way past my homemade double chocolate brownies and a Jane Austen movie and a good bottle of red wine!
I feel like painting everyone I meet with my big wet, sloppy paintbrush of Gods hugeness and all of the infinite possibilities that His Awesomness creates....the letting go of years of guilt, the letting go of unmet expectations, the letting go of control freak behaviors bred through years of performance as a Christian....the sheer enjoyment of being able to pray knowing deep in my heart for the first time that God is listening lovingly, has a plan, and wants to bless me....and He is moving!!! Can you say JOY?!?!
Hanging up the short pants....time to put on my big girl performance leggings and enjoy hitting my stride as a grown up....paintbrush in hand...
God's awesome greatness is keeping me going today, what's keeping you going?
I watched that same movie last week with Lauren and Craig, and came to a stunning conclusion: the things of this world that we believe in gain power from us. My fitness plan, yoga, my relationships, my own plans....they require my belief, my energy, my maintenance, my control. They exist be because of me. The only exception in life is that the great omnipotent God of this world does not...He is the source of power and indeed, of life! Even without us believing in Him, He is 100% omnipotent, omnipresent, omnibenevolent....powerful, present, and loving. In contrast, i exist because of Him!
While the things in this life take effort from us to maintain, God Himself does not.
Thank God!
In this small beginning of a revelation for me, my world began to open up in astonishing ways....I can trust God to be there when I am checked out...He loves me when I can't...He is the most powerful when I am utterly powerless but trustingly clinging to Him... See, this is the idea that busted me out of adolescent Christian teendom, the idea that God is grown up enough to take care of everything, and that He is not only good at it, He is exceptional at it...and that love is focused on me when I am focused on Him....and since I am a grown up too, I can be myself! It's okay! God is okay with the fact that I am a weak, PMS prone clown who has a broken heart and eats too much junk food....
Right now, for me, that acceptance and empowering rates way past my homemade double chocolate brownies and a Jane Austen movie and a good bottle of red wine!
I feel like painting everyone I meet with my big wet, sloppy paintbrush of Gods hugeness and all of the infinite possibilities that His Awesomness creates....the letting go of years of guilt, the letting go of unmet expectations, the letting go of control freak behaviors bred through years of performance as a Christian....the sheer enjoyment of being able to pray knowing deep in my heart for the first time that God is listening lovingly, has a plan, and wants to bless me....and He is moving!!! Can you say JOY?!?!
Hanging up the short pants....time to put on my big girl performance leggings and enjoy hitting my stride as a grown up....paintbrush in hand...
God's awesome greatness is keeping me going today, what's keeping you going?
Friday, June 14, 2013
20/20 hindsight and a 12 gauge shotgun
Apparently I haven't written here since September ....been busy? I have been, with an antidepressant addiction, a near death experience and a lot of new business......I have experienced the learning curve in the extreme in the last year and I have learned a few things...
Just cause the medication is slowly killing you doesn't mean you throw away a year of inner peace that it brought you to help you get centered...kick it and move on...
If a situation scares you, friggin run! Figure out the why later!
Work is important. Why you do it is more important. Who you are doing it for is even more important!
See, here's the thing....when I clean your toilets, I am not just getting something clean....I am hopefully freeing you up to manage the other messes in your life....and I am not there to tell you how to do that. I am nobodies lifesaver...only a helper. My expertise and experiences qualify me to walk my life in greater freedom and strength, they don't qualify me to set your life right.
Cause God never wastes a life lesson. He uses it to teach me how to be a better warrior, in my life spiritually, physically, and emotionally...and conversely, how to be a better minister to others. My pain can allow me to empathize....but never sermonize.
Gods grace is keeping me going today..what is keeping you going?
Just cause the medication is slowly killing you doesn't mean you throw away a year of inner peace that it brought you to help you get centered...kick it and move on...
If a situation scares you, friggin run! Figure out the why later!
Work is important. Why you do it is more important. Who you are doing it for is even more important!
See, here's the thing....when I clean your toilets, I am not just getting something clean....I am hopefully freeing you up to manage the other messes in your life....and I am not there to tell you how to do that. I am nobodies lifesaver...only a helper. My expertise and experiences qualify me to walk my life in greater freedom and strength, they don't qualify me to set your life right.
Cause God never wastes a life lesson. He uses it to teach me how to be a better warrior, in my life spiritually, physically, and emotionally...and conversely, how to be a better minister to others. My pain can allow me to empathize....but never sermonize.
Gods grace is keeping me going today..what is keeping you going?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The Good, The Bad and the Dirty
I have begun to think that I have a great book inside of me, just waiting to crystalize and get out.
I want to call it The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
It would be all about the perception of cleanliess in our lives, both physical and spiritual, possibly mental and emotional.
What got me started on this title was the fact that I returned to work last week and realized that some of my clients really really missed me. So much, in fact, that they didn't do any dusting or cleaning behind the toilet. It was like a reset button was pushed and all the good I did over the last year was erased in two months. Game starts from the beginning, no extra lives for you!
In a way, it's very flattering to me that they love my work so much that they save it all for me. And boy, does their house look good when I leave! It also makes me wonder hypothetically: do they know it was dirty or not?
No five year old boy wants a bath. They don't mind the dirt. It's their mother that does.
Sometimes, we don't mind the dirt in our lives. The mean comments. The extra ten pounds. That annoying mother at school we hate. We just choose to ignore it, and we are sometimes surprised it doesn't go away.
After awhile, we can start to feel dirty, and I know that most times, I don't even know where the dirt pile begins.
This Fall, I am challenging myself to sweep out the little stuff sooner. Forgive sooner. Really be honest about dirt in my life.
A dirty toilet never killed anyone....but a dirty heart?
"Out of the fullness of his heart, a man (Anne) speaks" Proverbs
I know I've got to clean behind the toilet that my mouth sometimes is......
I want to call it The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
It would be all about the perception of cleanliess in our lives, both physical and spiritual, possibly mental and emotional.
What got me started on this title was the fact that I returned to work last week and realized that some of my clients really really missed me. So much, in fact, that they didn't do any dusting or cleaning behind the toilet. It was like a reset button was pushed and all the good I did over the last year was erased in two months. Game starts from the beginning, no extra lives for you!
In a way, it's very flattering to me that they love my work so much that they save it all for me. And boy, does their house look good when I leave! It also makes me wonder hypothetically: do they know it was dirty or not?
No five year old boy wants a bath. They don't mind the dirt. It's their mother that does.
Sometimes, we don't mind the dirt in our lives. The mean comments. The extra ten pounds. That annoying mother at school we hate. We just choose to ignore it, and we are sometimes surprised it doesn't go away.
After awhile, we can start to feel dirty, and I know that most times, I don't even know where the dirt pile begins.
This Fall, I am challenging myself to sweep out the little stuff sooner. Forgive sooner. Really be honest about dirt in my life.
A dirty toilet never killed anyone....but a dirty heart?
"Out of the fullness of his heart, a man (Anne) speaks" Proverbs
I know I've got to clean behind the toilet that my mouth sometimes is......
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Bring The Rain
I recently brought home an orphaned peace lily baby for Lauren to love. Since I am the black thumb in the family, I leave the real plant care to her....she has tomatoes on the vine as we speak and manages to keep my Mother's Day planter from withering and crumbling.
With this baby, we potted it, plant spiked it, and then trotted off to the Dollarama to purchase a set of Aquaglobes to keep it watered. If you've never suffered through an infomercial on the amazing powers of an Aquaglobe, let me refresh your memory: they are 10 cents worth of mixed glass melted into a hollow bulb with a long thin tube that you fill with water, spike upside down into a plant's roots, thus providing slow release of water on demand. For all you fellow black thumbs/busy moms, this means unsupervised watering of a plant that will most likely otherwise die once you place it in a neglected corner of your house.
After a few weeks of watching this miracle of gardening (percoset and whiplash will do that to you, especially if you hurt too much to go outside and watch the grass grow) I realized that this object is a perfect lesson on the importance of daily bible reading!
Seriously, let's all join hands and sing "Read Your Bible, Pray Every Day"! (I hope you know the chorus..if not, youtube it!)
Okay, no more percoset for you.
Anyways, I realized that these days there are so many ways to get a daily dose of God's word.....you can sign up for a verse a day with mainstream Bible Ministries, you can download reading plans, you can listen to the Bible on your phone.....this list goes on. I myself look forward to listening to our Sunday morning reading assignment over breakfast with Craig....the dude reading is hilarious but somehow manages to impart a serious tone to the Word...I may mock his accent but his reading of the crucifixion brought tears to my eyes when we listened.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" Pslm 115:105
I need a daily washing in the Word, especially if I want to get as far away from the car wreck mentality that I have been graciously delivered from.....I need the Word every day, whether my spiritual temperature is hot, cold, dry, wet, tense, indifferent, drugged, in pain, pushing up the hill or rolling down the incline....God's Word reminds my every day that God is in control, He is loving, He thinks I'm awesome, and He can't wait to show me how HUGE He is going to be in my day!
I am responsible to ask God every day: Bring The Rain!!!!
With this baby, we potted it, plant spiked it, and then trotted off to the Dollarama to purchase a set of Aquaglobes to keep it watered. If you've never suffered through an infomercial on the amazing powers of an Aquaglobe, let me refresh your memory: they are 10 cents worth of mixed glass melted into a hollow bulb with a long thin tube that you fill with water, spike upside down into a plant's roots, thus providing slow release of water on demand. For all you fellow black thumbs/busy moms, this means unsupervised watering of a plant that will most likely otherwise die once you place it in a neglected corner of your house.
After a few weeks of watching this miracle of gardening (percoset and whiplash will do that to you, especially if you hurt too much to go outside and watch the grass grow) I realized that this object is a perfect lesson on the importance of daily bible reading!
Seriously, let's all join hands and sing "Read Your Bible, Pray Every Day"! (I hope you know the chorus..if not, youtube it!)
Okay, no more percoset for you.
Anyways, I realized that these days there are so many ways to get a daily dose of God's word.....you can sign up for a verse a day with mainstream Bible Ministries, you can download reading plans, you can listen to the Bible on your phone.....this list goes on. I myself look forward to listening to our Sunday morning reading assignment over breakfast with Craig....the dude reading is hilarious but somehow manages to impart a serious tone to the Word...I may mock his accent but his reading of the crucifixion brought tears to my eyes when we listened.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" Pslm 115:105
I need a daily washing in the Word, especially if I want to get as far away from the car wreck mentality that I have been graciously delivered from.....I need the Word every day, whether my spiritual temperature is hot, cold, dry, wet, tense, indifferent, drugged, in pain, pushing up the hill or rolling down the incline....God's Word reminds my every day that God is in control, He is loving, He thinks I'm awesome, and He can't wait to show me how HUGE He is going to be in my day!
I am responsible to ask God every day: Bring The Rain!!!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
The Right Total
I drove slowly along tenth avenue south this afternoon, slowing to see if there were skid marks at the 21 st south mark. There weren't. Apparently, even though I stood on my brakes, there was no time for them to engage before I rammed the stopped car, going about 50 km/hr......
My airbags exploded, burning and bruising me. I noticed the pregnant, stroller pushing pedestrian that the car in front of me had stopped for. People began driving around me almost immediately.
Some nice man walked over and told me to roll down all my windows. He prompted me to drive around the corner and park. I called my husband. I hung up on him and called 911.
I got the full meal deal-ambulance, EMTs, spinal board, xrays, bedpans, percoset, prescriptions, ticket.
Everyone was way too nice. I was one of those assholes who drives distracted and munches a new car in front of a pedestrian.....I keep waiting for a spanking or something. I deserved the $400 ticket, the $200 one, the $115 one.
Instead, I got a free consultation on my scoliosis, free percosets, and a lot of genuine care and sympathy.
Funny thing is.....this weekend God was speaking to my heart about the root of the anger and depression that I have working out with him while reading Healing Life's Hurts. I dove in and have been swimming around the truths told in the book, diving down into the deep dark well of my own heart to try and find that plug to pull.....to let out the deep hurts.
This weekend God showed me the car wreck that I have been living in.
Because of what happened to me when I was young, and some significant events throughout my upbringing.....I have been living in a car wreck mentality. And I do things that keep me in there! I don't reach out, I don't travel far from home, I don't talk back to my parents and family, I don't ask for things that I really want, and I certainly only trust on my own terms. My ability to love has been twisted around a door frame that rarely opens properly.
On Monday I was removed from my Dodge Journey. On Monday I was removed from my inner car wreck by a Great and Loving God.
I did not receive what I deserved, but instead was showered with what I needed most.
There are no words to say how humbled and blessed and loved I feel this week.
People have prayed for me and looked after me....God has struck the match that has lit the fire in my heart to walk fully away from the twisted mass of my past and into more freedom with Him.....I am praying for a new Spirit, a new Heart, a new Mind.
In the end, God makes the right totalling of my life-a life filled with forgiveness and grace and love that is meant to come through me and into others rather that get poured into the tank of a car wreck that goes nowhere.
This girl is going somewhere.......
Hopefully in a Ferrari?!?!?
My airbags exploded, burning and bruising me. I noticed the pregnant, stroller pushing pedestrian that the car in front of me had stopped for. People began driving around me almost immediately.
Some nice man walked over and told me to roll down all my windows. He prompted me to drive around the corner and park. I called my husband. I hung up on him and called 911.
I got the full meal deal-ambulance, EMTs, spinal board, xrays, bedpans, percoset, prescriptions, ticket.
Everyone was way too nice. I was one of those assholes who drives distracted and munches a new car in front of a pedestrian.....I keep waiting for a spanking or something. I deserved the $400 ticket, the $200 one, the $115 one.
Instead, I got a free consultation on my scoliosis, free percosets, and a lot of genuine care and sympathy.
Funny thing is.....this weekend God was speaking to my heart about the root of the anger and depression that I have working out with him while reading Healing Life's Hurts. I dove in and have been swimming around the truths told in the book, diving down into the deep dark well of my own heart to try and find that plug to pull.....to let out the deep hurts.
This weekend God showed me the car wreck that I have been living in.
Because of what happened to me when I was young, and some significant events throughout my upbringing.....I have been living in a car wreck mentality. And I do things that keep me in there! I don't reach out, I don't travel far from home, I don't talk back to my parents and family, I don't ask for things that I really want, and I certainly only trust on my own terms. My ability to love has been twisted around a door frame that rarely opens properly.
On Monday I was removed from my Dodge Journey. On Monday I was removed from my inner car wreck by a Great and Loving God.
I did not receive what I deserved, but instead was showered with what I needed most.
There are no words to say how humbled and blessed and loved I feel this week.
People have prayed for me and looked after me....God has struck the match that has lit the fire in my heart to walk fully away from the twisted mass of my past and into more freedom with Him.....I am praying for a new Spirit, a new Heart, a new Mind.
In the end, God makes the right totalling of my life-a life filled with forgiveness and grace and love that is meant to come through me and into others rather that get poured into the tank of a car wreck that goes nowhere.
This girl is going somewhere.......
Hopefully in a Ferrari?!?!?
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