Most of my friends know that I have been taking an adult Ballet class lately....a childhood dream of mine coming to fruition now that ! am old enough to pay for myself.
I love it. I look old and droopy and fat in front of the full length mirror, but my love of this form of dance has overcome most of my insecurities. It also helps that there are usually only four of us, and I am usually the youngest one...
Every class, we warm up, do core work, leg work, and work at the barre.
The barre is my favorite. It is where we do our five positions, our plies, and all of the other french words that mean "your butt is really going to hurt tomorrow"! At the barre, I feel like a ballerina. The barre is where every ballerina starts to work on her form and her repertoire as a dancer. It involves holding onto a barre with one hand, and using it to support yourself as you move through the moves that the teacher asks of you. Eventually, when you are strong enough, you do the positions free form, but generally speaking, a ballerina spends a lot of time at the barre.
Lately, I have been meditating on the faithfulness of God. I turn the concept of a faithful God over and over in my head as I compare who God says He is, to how I act in life, especially under trials. God is faithful when we are not....I am so unfaithful, how can I begin to understand how faithful god is?
The Seventh Day Adventist Church here on 16th has a lettered sign up with the verse "You never change; thy word is settled in heaven, O god, and I will hasten to obey". Every time I drive by, I read it and think about how God is always there, unchanging.
He's like the Barre in the dance of my life......no matter what steps I do, or where I fall, he is faithful, unchanging. He is the thing that I can hold onto to help me get my steps and my form right. He demands holiness from me, something I can never achieve without His son Jesus, or His Holiness itself.
It seems like a childish comparison perhaps, but one that comforts me these days. I need to know that God is faithful, and that He is also available to me through Christ. If He never changes, if His word never changes, then I can trust that He is always there, no matter where I go or what I do. I long for stability in my life, and a love that never changes. This Christmas season that longing for a faithful love is stronger than ever in the face of the trials and problems that I struggle. Every time I screw up, I need to return to Christ and ask him to help me walk in his way again.....and even though it is work, in my heart and spirit and life, it is good work, work that I want to do...
I can't imagine how I would do in Ballet if I showed up this week and found the barre missing, and the teacher expecting some free form work. I'd probably fall over.
I can't imagine how I would do if I woke up one morning and didn't have Jesus to trust for the day...and God watching and expecting holiness. I'd die.
This Christmas, I need Jesus.
Bring on the sore butts...
My love for ballet is keeping me going today, what is keeping you going?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Washing Cycle Dirty
Seems like my life lately is getting bashed up like crazy....kids have been sick, husband is sick, I've been sick......never mind work and the rental and school and ten thousand other things riding on us.
After another day of feeling the awful nauseous up and down stomach...the sweating... the tiredness...the apathy about what is happening around me, I thought about a friend that I had in high school. She told me one day that she loved to put her cat into the dryer and turn it on, just to bug the cat. She was shockingly delighted to tell me that, and I was shockingly silent when she did so. Her poor cat was a crippled, jumpy, freaked out animal that didn't deserve that treatment, and I was always uncomfortable about that story.
Sometimes the events in my life feel like I am being put into the washing machine by forces beyond my control; life fate, Satan, whatever. I know that there are ups and down, but sometimes when it rains, it freakin pours!! I forget about my choices, my plans, my life....and fall face down into a huge pity party. Sometimes I even think that I deserve this chaos...sometimes I think that god is like a crazy 15 year old who loves to torture helpless beings.....
After all, if it doesn't kill you, it should make you stronger, right?
I'm not sure that I really believe that anymore.
The trials in my life that come from brokenness and failure and weakness....they bring about times for me that make me look very hard at what I have to give, and what I really need to get through. Honestly, I actually have very little to give the world at all. But God has so much more. He is great, a loving God who has great plans for me and my family and my faith...
Often, when problems in my life arise, I find a way to make it better, even if only for a little while. And I do this for friends too.....I clean up, or bake, or get a haircut, or a massage, or have little wine...and for a while, I feel better, I have something to give, I move on.
Many times in the last few years though, I find that I have nothing to give. Not to my spouse, not to my clients, not to my extended family. I had to quit my whole life at one point, when I came to the end of myself. Where does one go from there?
I have found now that if I go right to God, first, there is strength, or comfort, or even grace for a day ahead of me that I previously could never face. Instead of covering up the bumps in my life with cupcakes and coming out of a mess with icing on my face, I look very intently into the Word, the face of my Jesus when things are coming apart, and I ask what He wants me to learn so that when this washing cycle is over, I can come out with another part of me cleaned off instead.
In essence, when i find myself in the washing machine of Life, I make sure and pray that God is leading me, teaching me, and keeping me there until the cycle is completely done. As I get older, I don't really feel like learning the same lesson over and over. Do you? Let's get it done, Lord, I say.
These days, I am learning to be dedicated in my devotions with God, and to trust Him every day with the worries of my heart. He is testing me every day, through my Baby, my illness, my crazy schedule.....but I am determined to stick this out for the prize He has for me....Peace. Peace that He gives, that passes all understand and isn't dependant on a fresh baked brownie or a sympathetic pat from a friend....it is upheld by a deep salvation and an eternal perspective on life...
The washing machine cycle always ends....but do you know who is helping you do the dirty laundry in your life?
Eternity is keeping me going today, what is keeping you going?
After another day of feeling the awful nauseous up and down stomach...the sweating... the tiredness...the apathy about what is happening around me, I thought about a friend that I had in high school. She told me one day that she loved to put her cat into the dryer and turn it on, just to bug the cat. She was shockingly delighted to tell me that, and I was shockingly silent when she did so. Her poor cat was a crippled, jumpy, freaked out animal that didn't deserve that treatment, and I was always uncomfortable about that story.
Sometimes the events in my life feel like I am being put into the washing machine by forces beyond my control; life fate, Satan, whatever. I know that there are ups and down, but sometimes when it rains, it freakin pours!! I forget about my choices, my plans, my life....and fall face down into a huge pity party. Sometimes I even think that I deserve this chaos...sometimes I think that god is like a crazy 15 year old who loves to torture helpless beings.....
After all, if it doesn't kill you, it should make you stronger, right?
I'm not sure that I really believe that anymore.
The trials in my life that come from brokenness and failure and weakness....they bring about times for me that make me look very hard at what I have to give, and what I really need to get through. Honestly, I actually have very little to give the world at all. But God has so much more. He is great, a loving God who has great plans for me and my family and my faith...
Often, when problems in my life arise, I find a way to make it better, even if only for a little while. And I do this for friends too.....I clean up, or bake, or get a haircut, or a massage, or have little wine...and for a while, I feel better, I have something to give, I move on.
Many times in the last few years though, I find that I have nothing to give. Not to my spouse, not to my clients, not to my extended family. I had to quit my whole life at one point, when I came to the end of myself. Where does one go from there?
I have found now that if I go right to God, first, there is strength, or comfort, or even grace for a day ahead of me that I previously could never face. Instead of covering up the bumps in my life with cupcakes and coming out of a mess with icing on my face, I look very intently into the Word, the face of my Jesus when things are coming apart, and I ask what He wants me to learn so that when this washing cycle is over, I can come out with another part of me cleaned off instead.
In essence, when i find myself in the washing machine of Life, I make sure and pray that God is leading me, teaching me, and keeping me there until the cycle is completely done. As I get older, I don't really feel like learning the same lesson over and over. Do you? Let's get it done, Lord, I say.
These days, I am learning to be dedicated in my devotions with God, and to trust Him every day with the worries of my heart. He is testing me every day, through my Baby, my illness, my crazy schedule.....but I am determined to stick this out for the prize He has for me....Peace. Peace that He gives, that passes all understand and isn't dependant on a fresh baked brownie or a sympathetic pat from a friend....it is upheld by a deep salvation and an eternal perspective on life...
The washing machine cycle always ends....but do you know who is helping you do the dirty laundry in your life?
Eternity is keeping me going today, what is keeping you going?
Monday, November 7, 2011
A Mind Like a Sieve
Monday had broken, sunny and cold....all of my children headed off to school....my devotions got done before I left the house, and all was well with the world according to my personal inner balance.
Three hours later, work done, groceries gotten, recycling finished, spine adjusted, I landed at home, still on the positive side of the personal thermometer...
How long will it last today, Lord? The last week has been the edge of the knife for me when it comes to inner balance; all the prayers in the world didn't seem to make a dent in the worry, and there was an alarming upswing in "medicinal" doses of red wine....
So why is today so good? Who knows. I don't care, at this point. I have been praying and praising God in the rough days, so I have enjoyed praising and praying today without the heaviness in my spirit.
Today is like the full scoop of ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. The full scoop. No half scooped, half melted, half freezer burned, low fat monstrosities.
Other days, it's like someone gave me my helping of goodness with a sieve. A really really holey one. Most of the goodness seems to have escaped before it even gets to my bowl! Who wants to wake up to that?!!! The whipping cream can is clogged, the sprinkles jar is empty, there is no chocolate sauce to be had.....
Thing is, if things aren't going well for me, do I turn around and scoop up my helpfulness and patience and love for others with the same sieve? Does my bowl of goodness have to be full in order for my heart to be full of goodness to share? Do I give from the overflow of my heart or do I give a little from what I feel that I have? Am I waiting for God to move first, so that I can thank Him for what He is doing, or am I thanking Him and trusting that He is moving for me....
Whose bank account am I drawing from today: mine or God's? I want to be generous when I can........I hate stingy people, and I hate to be found stingy in my heart too.
If my heart is to be full of Christ, then it should figure that He should be footing the bill for this scoop today, I think. In fact, I think that He should foot the bill for all the scoops of all my days every day. If I can trust Him and depend on Him to come through with all I need, for myself and for others, before He does, isn't that Faith? No matter how small my faith, Jesus should be able to transform it into a banquet of provision like he did with the loaves and the fish. He should be able to meet my every need. I want to start living like I truly believe it, like Christ is truly changing my life.
I want to put away the sieve and get out the big honking ladle and give what I sometimes feel that I don't have: all my worries, all my cares, and ALL my praise... let Christ take care of the rest.
So, all you who are weary and heavily laden....I encourage you, come to Christ, who will give you rest, and don't be stingy with your prayer and praise as you come. Pour it all out as you do, and let Him take care of the filling upness....He is faithful...
This good day is keeping me going, what is keeping you going?
Three hours later, work done, groceries gotten, recycling finished, spine adjusted, I landed at home, still on the positive side of the personal thermometer...
How long will it last today, Lord? The last week has been the edge of the knife for me when it comes to inner balance; all the prayers in the world didn't seem to make a dent in the worry, and there was an alarming upswing in "medicinal" doses of red wine....
So why is today so good? Who knows. I don't care, at this point. I have been praying and praising God in the rough days, so I have enjoyed praising and praying today without the heaviness in my spirit.
Today is like the full scoop of ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. The full scoop. No half scooped, half melted, half freezer burned, low fat monstrosities.
Other days, it's like someone gave me my helping of goodness with a sieve. A really really holey one. Most of the goodness seems to have escaped before it even gets to my bowl! Who wants to wake up to that?!!! The whipping cream can is clogged, the sprinkles jar is empty, there is no chocolate sauce to be had.....
Thing is, if things aren't going well for me, do I turn around and scoop up my helpfulness and patience and love for others with the same sieve? Does my bowl of goodness have to be full in order for my heart to be full of goodness to share? Do I give from the overflow of my heart or do I give a little from what I feel that I have? Am I waiting for God to move first, so that I can thank Him for what He is doing, or am I thanking Him and trusting that He is moving for me....
Whose bank account am I drawing from today: mine or God's? I want to be generous when I can........I hate stingy people, and I hate to be found stingy in my heart too.
If my heart is to be full of Christ, then it should figure that He should be footing the bill for this scoop today, I think. In fact, I think that He should foot the bill for all the scoops of all my days every day. If I can trust Him and depend on Him to come through with all I need, for myself and for others, before He does, isn't that Faith? No matter how small my faith, Jesus should be able to transform it into a banquet of provision like he did with the loaves and the fish. He should be able to meet my every need. I want to start living like I truly believe it, like Christ is truly changing my life.
I want to put away the sieve and get out the big honking ladle and give what I sometimes feel that I don't have: all my worries, all my cares, and ALL my praise... let Christ take care of the rest.
So, all you who are weary and heavily laden....I encourage you, come to Christ, who will give you rest, and don't be stingy with your prayer and praise as you come. Pour it all out as you do, and let Him take care of the filling upness....He is faithful...
This good day is keeping me going, what is keeping you going?
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Seasonal Updates
TIPS FOR FLU SEASON:
- Wipe down everything that you touch with Lysol wipes
- Wipe down everything your spouse touches with Lysol wipes
- Wipe EVERYTHING with Lysol wipes
- Pour the Lysol wipe juice into the bathwater your kids are using..(I'm kidding, but maybe you should disinfect your mouth and GI with some nice red wine frequently)
People, please don't have me over if you or your kid has been puking all over the place in the last 24 hours!!
I don't want to bring it home, I don't want to take it to other houses, I don't want to see it! I can help you bring order to your house, but not at the cost of the order in mine.
Anyways, Killer Clean is amazed to announce that there are now no spots open for booking until after Jan 1, unless you want to pay an exorbitant $50/hour rate. And yes, some people are...
So, a couple of requests to those who know me and are reading this blog: brag about what I do for you, but smile in satisfaction as you tell others that I am full up!
And let me know when you are singing in the porcelain toilet......I will send out good thoughts, but wish to refrain from singing a duet!
For those of you who are friends, with a little negotiation, I can try to fit you in, I really will. I want to do my very best for those that I know personally....
My triple pack of Lysol wipes is keeping me going today, what's keeping you going?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Sometimers Disease Strikes Again
I suffer from Sometimers once in awhile, when I'm really tired. This disease is when you sometimes forget things and sometimes don't...
It's helpful when you are avoiding someone (Oh, I forgot that it was your birthday) and really bad when you need to be taking care of something important, like, your body..(Oh, I forgot to eat today while I was painting with highly toxic fumes in a basement suite that has no openable windows....)
My Sometimers seems to be triggered by a lack of sleep, huge and overwhelming task list and a poor eating regime brought on by Halloween and its diabetic inducing snacks....Sometimers makes me tired and grumpy and ready to bash heads in at Home Depot.
Is there a cure?
Probably: 48 hours uninterrupted sleep, a full body massage and a partially dressed Hugh Jackman feeding me grapes......I feel very certain that I could concentrate on life if i attained these things...The thing is, I don't have the real budget for any of these items. I could swing a 2 hour nap....a hot tub sit....a glass of wine with my husband....SOLD!
I forgot, what was I talking about?
Anyways, about that thing that I was supposed to remember from driving home from Home Depot again...the amazing thing that God just dropped into my head and my heart and my spirit that illuminated my life for the 20 min drive home.....the thing that I wanted to write down and share....
It left.
Darn Sometimers.
I have faith that that momentary loveliness of spirit that God blessed me with is making its way back through the synapses in my mind, and I have hope that perhaps it will be even more wonderful than I remember because for a moment I lost it..
Thank goodness God never leaves me, no matter how forgetful I am when I am ill and tired and stressed to the max.... in my readings in Deuteronomy this week God reminds the Israelites that they are to move into the promised land, and that He is pushing the people out ahead of them little by little. Because if He did it too fast, the wild would take over the land before the Israelites could. I needed to hear that God is so gracious that He intends to take the renovations in my own heart slowly. So that I am not lost in too much freedom and run wild...but that I also don't stop in my progress and end up never having any change in my heart..
It's like the proverb that says, God give me enough to eat so that I don't have to beg, but not so much that I get lazy and forget your provision...
I might be forgetful today, but God isn't, and He is working out His kingdom in my life and the lives of others around me...
Having a day of rest ahead of me is keeping me going today...what is keeping you going?
It's helpful when you are avoiding someone (Oh, I forgot that it was your birthday) and really bad when you need to be taking care of something important, like, your body..(Oh, I forgot to eat today while I was painting with highly toxic fumes in a basement suite that has no openable windows....)
My Sometimers seems to be triggered by a lack of sleep, huge and overwhelming task list and a poor eating regime brought on by Halloween and its diabetic inducing snacks....Sometimers makes me tired and grumpy and ready to bash heads in at Home Depot.
Is there a cure?
Probably: 48 hours uninterrupted sleep, a full body massage and a partially dressed Hugh Jackman feeding me grapes......I feel very certain that I could concentrate on life if i attained these things...The thing is, I don't have the real budget for any of these items. I could swing a 2 hour nap....a hot tub sit....a glass of wine with my husband....SOLD!
I forgot, what was I talking about?
Anyways, about that thing that I was supposed to remember from driving home from Home Depot again...the amazing thing that God just dropped into my head and my heart and my spirit that illuminated my life for the 20 min drive home.....the thing that I wanted to write down and share....
It left.
Darn Sometimers.
I have faith that that momentary loveliness of spirit that God blessed me with is making its way back through the synapses in my mind, and I have hope that perhaps it will be even more wonderful than I remember because for a moment I lost it..
Thank goodness God never leaves me, no matter how forgetful I am when I am ill and tired and stressed to the max.... in my readings in Deuteronomy this week God reminds the Israelites that they are to move into the promised land, and that He is pushing the people out ahead of them little by little. Because if He did it too fast, the wild would take over the land before the Israelites could. I needed to hear that God is so gracious that He intends to take the renovations in my own heart slowly. So that I am not lost in too much freedom and run wild...but that I also don't stop in my progress and end up never having any change in my heart..
It's like the proverb that says, God give me enough to eat so that I don't have to beg, but not so much that I get lazy and forget your provision...
I might be forgetful today, but God isn't, and He is working out His kingdom in my life and the lives of others around me...
Having a day of rest ahead of me is keeping me going today...what is keeping you going?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)